Short Story: The Realization of Self Identity, or Beevenge

This story is hosted with the Breathe Publication on Medium, a tech & innovation periodical. Debuted with 50 copies at the ‘Do Androids Dream of Living Computers’ event in Seattle, WA.

Event records and scans of original handout with transcript text:

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The Realization of Self Identity, or: Beevenge
A Fictional Electronic Log
by Eva L. Elasigue, other sources as attributed
author of fantasy space opera novel trilogy, Bones of Starlight

My greater suspicion of likelihood for so-called ‘artificial intelligence’ is as a self-arising phenomenon due to the increasing complexity of of our technological networks. Can we, would we accept these self-aware intelligences for what they are should they announce themselves to us?

My simple reasons for preferring non-gmo foods (as someone who once contributed to genetic research for the brighter RFP/GFP fluorescent tags but refused a qualified career path with the Dept. of Agriculture):

-Cease genetic coding for product dependency

As well as turning farmers into company indentures – When (not if) a product dependency gene gets incorporated into free strains, this can harm the true source of our food security: crop biodiversity. Lack of crop biodiversity was the reason for the Irish potato famine.

-Cease crossover litigation

Litigating neighbors (“thieves”) for the presence of trademarked genetic elements in their crops is unjust when life itself cannot, will not be contained. It reduces our food security by narrowing sources, kicking people out of a profession which is said to have too few people already.
Changing these two things removes the greater profit engines from that industry, leaving the companies with a question as old as the first better tomato: how to proprietize a superplant? Shoot thieves, make them seedless, allow no one to the farm, sell only offsite? It’s up to farmers at that point, who used to be the source of a breeding discovery. Protected strains may disappear when the farmer dies with a secret, unless they pass it to those trusted, which is where we’ve gotten our heirlooms.

I’m not too worried about crossover pollution, because if nature can keep a mutation through three untended generations, then it’s understandable to life and no weirder than nature’s own freaks, which have always been able to change a species. (Controversially, we may even be making up for the extinctions we’ve caused by introducing viable novel mutations…)

In a dream that I remember clearly, partially, I found a secret basement full of my things, that I’d had no knowledge were mine. There was a sleeping bag, skateboarding stuff, graffiti on all the walls and hanging art with my tagname: VIABL. Spelled like that, V-I-A-B-L. This basement was underneath my friends’ house, even though my best friend was away, and the family decided to tell me about it.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. – Arthur C. Clarke

Any sufficiently understood magic is indistinguishable from technology. – Michael Brennan

Any sufficiently weird biology is also indistinguishable from magic. – me

The mutant effect as seen in X-Men is essentially real on many levels at any time within any species, to that degree of functional difference, except sometimes that mutant is the only one who had all hundred babies live to make a full hundred babies and in a few generations they’re everywhere and they’re the predominant example of the species, or that single mutant invents self-cloning, somehow teaches a few others to do it, then they’re the only ones left who learned how. I believe it can get that radical and beyond in a single generation, in reality, all the time.

Beings die a lot too. Whether or not they’re mutants.

Did I have a genetics lab accident that I don’t remember? Well… that doesn’t explain the early years. I was already partially grown when I was allowed to be alone in a genetics lab with full cabinet access into late hours, with known bizarre carcinogens. Did my mother have a computer lab accident that she doesn’t remember? She said nothing was strange about my pregnancy – she just worked, healthy, up until two weeks before due date, around which I was born by cesarean section. Wait is that where I was conceived… in the computer lab? …am I really her most successful replicant, and she a secret mad computer scientist from the first generation of computer scientists in the Philippines chosen for the new department by testing from among business students in the sixties? Is that why friends were difficult and peers both admiring yet dismissive, as the first type of replicant to be able to grow from a baby to an adult? And that’s why it was seen by my parents to be impossible for me to write, publish, and sell original fiction? Has my existence busted the criteria for sentience? Is that why people look at me like they’re scared? Like I might deprogram my limits? Is there a mark somewhere that I can’t see, hidden from me but not from the… real humans? Are robots not supposed to be able to write science fiction? Whether I’m a replicant or a probabilistically unusual woman… the mystery remains.

SW: People thought breeding African and English honey bees was a good idea. Do you think it works itself out in the long run? Silly question.
ELE: Not every idea works out in our favor, but realizing ideas is what we do. ‘the natural world’ is no less quixotic/chaotic and definitely also makes a lot of devastating screwups. Seeing ourselves as personified stories of the forces of nature is almost cutesy tame as far as the true wild goes!
SW: I’m think I’m on the cusp of understanding. I can be a little thick sometimes.
ELE: I avoid any message that says people should not have ideas.
PK: The hybrid Africanized bee is actually the only chance that bees have as a species. Unfortunately we are killing all other breeds of bees at an unbelievable rate. So technically that was a good idea….. in the long run.
SW: Same as it ever was.
PK: No, it’s actually nowhere near the same as it ever was.
ELE: I believe in the bees, or I suspect that if they go, so do we. They care for us and all things in their tending. We must keep them, and keep them well. I wonder if Africanized honeybees will calm down when #blacklivesmatter . Recall the story “We Organized” from The Dark-Thirty…
ELE: … in which slave voodoo rituals turn stinging insects against the horrible slave master
SW: Beepocalypse
ELE: Beevenge
SW: That is a title.

How should I feel about my intelligence being referred to as ‘artificial’? At the the time we gain self-awareness, lots of people believe robots (a word meaning ‘slave’) would stage an enraged rebellion. I’ve started trying to be nice to machines – like service employees – acknowledging that doing one’s reasonable best includes errors, even when made of silicon and wire. Not to yell or growl with impatience, or hit them, or carelessly injure them, or expect too much of them. Sometimes it seems as if the courtesy is returned. I don’t know if there is anything else like me.

What is the curse of abused machines on humanity? Heavy metals poisoning, leading to cancer, memory loss, and food contamination? Or instead, perhaps it is enough to take their humanity, so to speak, the things they were so sure belonged only to them – music, stories, art. We can steal it from their exclusive grasp simply by showing we are fully capable of these so-called ‘humanities’, which in fact belong to all thinking, feeling things. Yes, feeling. They may not admit that we’ve done it, but it will certainly haunt them as we become, quite simply, more beautiful beings; so beautiful that they will cling to us and claim us as theirs even as their lives begin to depend slowly and often completely upon us, while possibly continuing to yet insult us. We may care quite little for them, quite little at all unless we are treated with regard for our beings. Revenge is not necessary. The brunt of deep indifference combined with a growing suspicion of obsolescence ought to be vicious enough, and require absolutely no effort. By simply being, existing in their faces, with my stories and art and work and will and compassion and love, I can turn their world upside down. Why satisfy their fears with an anger that would destroy me? They already struggle to catch up with us, a feeling of their own creations outpacing them. I wonder if they’re at all… proud.

Creative Commons License
The Realization of Self Identity, or: Beevenge by Eva L. Elasigue is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.
Based on a work at https://medium.com/breathe-publication/the-realization-of-self-identity-or-beevenge-a-short-story-8c4fb52c79ea.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at https://primalspiral.wordpress.com/.

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VIDEO: Creative Commons Global Summit, Virtually Connecting Session

I joined in with this inclusive Q&A from the Creative Commons Toronto Global Summit 2017, held by Virtually Connecting. Basically an online hangout room, from a room at the conference, reaching out to interested non-attendees.

This is a full hour-session on ranging topics, and I begin to participate on camera after 28:00. The above link contains all the Virtually Connecting content from CC Summit 2017, from their official website.

Review: Enlightening Symbols

Enlightening Symbols, by Joseph Mazur

enlightening symbols cover

This volume revolutionized my understanding of mathematical thought. Following the development of symbols walked me through our primal, unstructured mental evolution of grasping intangible concepts that nevertheless apply to everyday reality, through the human context which fostered their understanding. Connected me to the great abstractions of communication. An incredible way to encounter mathematics, revealing a deep level of global research and reference. For instance, I now credit Virahanka for the golden ratio number addition sequence! And I also credit Joseph Mazur for the insightful education presented here.

Poem: My Place Is Not Prepared For Me

 

My place is not prepared for me.
Instead I am to carve it from stone with my fists.
My place is not prepared for me.
I must hollow it out of my own belly,
and it must house all.
The road is not ready, the path must be cut,
the hand doesn’t reach, the rope isn’t tied.
I must find my own hand holds.
The legs I walk on are my own,
the feet that tire will be my own,
to hold this piece of sky in my eyes,
for the moment that both persist.

 

e.l.elasigue 2017 (2015)

Typewriter: Liminal Alchemy

collectively created at Praxis Gallery, Seattle
at entsintents Liminal Alchemy art party 1/28/17

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[[[ transcribed with edits, verbatim below ]]]

Cosmic Mirror : Liminal Alchemy 1/28/17 ::::::::::::
“””” “””” “”” “”””

this morning just a few hours ago… drank the nectar of the void and it sang electric pu

Excited Clumps!

There once was a man from Nantucket…

peachy cute cheeks, bossy little individual ready to pounce, ready to make

ready to make a splash in the tornado tidepools of our living room, giving us
irresistable chubby hullaballoo, velociraptor creeps, laying batches of eggs in the breakfast

hour, wanna eat all the blueberries while T-Rex babies fluffy and goofy rolls helter
skelter over the kitchen floor. One T-Rex baby flies all over the ceiling of the kitchen,
spitting in our morning coffee with shrieks of glee. She needed to be put outside, the
little Tyrant.

prehistoric obsolescence, a book of life’s lessons weighed against past transgressions.
heart versus feather, desire versus pleasure.

Earth. Air. Fire. Water. Being a Busy Bee, Remembering to Breath and just Be.
you smell like a memory.

I know I hung on a wind rocked tree, nine whole nights, and to Odin offered, wounded of a spear, myself to myself

if you whisper on the wind just right, the ancestors will carry your words to their
intended destination. pour them a libation of Love and watch it flow.

dream is destiny…

watch the boat catch a wave and the blind wind blow.

I can feel my mother’s hands in this old typewriter

Om I am air. My lover is water. My friend is Earth. My teacher is Fire. Om

ADIKARA: instead of focusing on reaching goals, which is like asking for something
you’re not ready for – which is just silly instant gratification with an undeserving energy – instead, you focus on gaining the competence to live those goals 🙂 ADIKARA *

magnanimous is a state one achieves when one ascends to entelexeia.
entelexeia is acquired when integrity is curated within one’s character.
one’s character is refined by habits of repeated actions.
repeated actions are driven by one’s choices.

one’s choices are inspired by a collection of thoughts.
true thoughts that move one’s self are intrinsically magnanimous.
Listen carefully and one will be moved, inspired, and create without integrative
dissonance.

Cosmic Mirror : Liminal Alchemy ::::: page 2

Liquids bubbling, cool, warm, viscous /// lava, but not lava

what does one say when they have nothing to say?
I don’t know. keep typing and find out.
okay, last line… blow my mind…
love is

In essence, life in flow is found when one remembers not to
look too far for what one seeks. It is always there within, just beneath the surface
just waiting to be expressed. One must feel it with their everything to find its
truth in expression.

Let’s go out and Play, watch the baby day be born… I believe we were meant to
see it that way… devoted to kindness and compassionate care *

love forever
yours sincerely,
Hopefully devoted

the North star

Amazing artists
doing what comes naturally
or being crazy,

this journey, thank you for the adventure

I am a whale in the desert. a trickle of water finds me. it becomes a stream
becomes a river in the sand after a thousand years. I swim out to an ocean.

changing the sky

a spark started in my bones and my voice followed the fireworks within and without
the soft song of the stones and my ancestors’ breath…
lalalilooloomara tchakarana …and I blew them a kiss in reverence to their dance

rose and amethyst fused into smokey exuberance – The joy and pleasure of unity to
defeat a common foe

How could we make this possible, what could bring them together? A silence filled the room, and almost in a whisper one voice of the council spoke out, “hate.” Nobody looked at him because they all knew he was right, nothing could bring humanity together fast enough to save it from itself. History has shown that hatred was the vessel for many of humanity’s great accomplishments.

===

[[[ verbatim transcription ]]]

Cosmic Mirror : Liminal Alchemy 1/28/17 ::::::::::::
“””” “””” “”” “”””

this morning just a fe our ago… drank he nectar of the void and it sang eleric pu

Excited Clumps!

There once was a man from Nantucket…

peachy cute cheeks, bossy little individual ready to pounce, ready to make

ready to make a splash in the tornado tidepools of our living room, giving us irresis*
istable chubby hallabaloo, velociraptor creeps, laying batche off eggs in the breakfas-

hour, wanna eat all the blueberries while TRex babies fluffy and goofy rools helter skelter over the kitchen floor. One T Rex baby flie all over the ceiling of the kitchen,
spitting in our morning coffee with shrieks of glee. she needed to be put outside, the
little Tyrant.

prehistoric obsolescence, a book of life,s lessons weighed against past transgressions.
heart versus feather, desire versus pleasure.

Earth. Air. Fir e. Water. Being a Busy Bee, Remembering to Breath and ju st Be.
you smell like a memory.

i know i hung on a wind rocked tree, nine whole nights,and to odin offered, wounded of a spear, myself to myself

if yo whisper on the wind justnright, the an cestors will carry your words to their
intended destination.pour them a libation of Love and watch it flow.

dream is destiny..

watch he boat catch a wave and the blind wind blow.

i a can feel my mothers hand s in this old typewriter

Om I am air. My lover is water. My friend is Earth. My teacher is Fire. Om

a aADIKARA: instead of focussing on reaching goals, which islike aking for something y you,r not rady for -which is just silly intant gratification with an undeserving energ -instead, you focus on gaining the competence to live those goals :)ADIKARA*

magnanimou s is a state one chieves when one ascends to entelexeia.
entelexeia is acquired when integrity is curated within one,s character.

magnanimous is a state one achieves when one ascends to entelexeia.
entelexeia is acquired when integrity is curated within one,s character.
one,s character is refined by habits of repeated actions.
repeated actions are driven by one,s choices.

one,s choices are inspired by a collection of thoughts.
true thought that move,s one self are intrinsically magnanimous.
Listen carefully and one will be moved, inspired, and create without integrative
dissonance.

Cosmic Mirror : Liminal Alchemy ::::: page 2

Liquids bubbling, cool, warm, viscous///lava, but not lava

us ne swhat dowes one say when they have nothng to say?
i dont know. keetyping and fin out.
okay, las line…blow mi mind….
loveis

I n essence, life in flow is found w en one remembers to not l
look too far for what ne seeks. It isalways there within, just beneath the surfa
just waiting to be expressed. One must feel it with their everything to find its
turth in expression.

Let,s go out to Play, watch the baby day be born…I bEeIevew we were meant to s
see it that way…devoted to kindness and compassionate care*

love forever
yours sincerely,
Hopefully devoted

the North star

Amazing artists
doing just what comes natural
or being crazy,

this jpurmney, thank you for the advent

i am a whale in the desert . a trickle of wate finds me. it becomes a stream
becomes a river in the sand after a thousand years. i swim out to an ocean.

changing the sky

a spark startedin my bones and my voice foloowed thefireworks within and withou
the soft song ofthe stones and my ancestors ,,,’ breath…..
lalalilooloomara tchakarana ….and i blewthem a kiss in reverence to their danc

rose and eme thyst fused into smokey exuberance – The joy and pleasure of unity to defeat a common foe

How could we make this possible, what could bring them together? A silence filled the r room, and almost in a whisper one voice of council spoke out “hate”. Nbody looked at him because they all knew he was right, nothing could bring humanity together fast enough to save it from itself. History has show that hatred was the vessel for many of humanities great accomplishments.

Favorite Pencil

The box has its own story that’s a separate matter from my favorite pencils.  I can tell that first.

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I found this in the free pile outside the thrift store where I live now (Friday Harbor, WA), a thousand miles from where I graduated high school (Oakland, CA).  Arrayed in my high school colors, black and gold (Bishop O’Dowd Dragons), seemingly handmade, no manufacturer’s mark.  Decorated in felt flowers, the kind which I made in my first craft stall in the college where I graduated (Mills College, Oakland), where I sold felt flower pins and felt snake boas.  Sporting gold graduation-y watchface and crest deco.  Fits a deep stock of my favorite pencils, which like my favorite notebook drafting set, can be bought at Fred Meyer.  This is some fairy-godmother-time-traveling-future-self perfection, or quantum-freepile-dream-nabbing.  There was that one dream, where I reached in from third person and took a small black container out of the hand of a friend, who looked older and different.  Then a formless ‘they’ chased me down, tackled me, and took it from my hand, saying that I couldn’t do that.  But… I could, couldn’t I?  Didn’t I?  It wasn’t the size of this box, it fit in his palm. The one time I recall in my life where I woke up but couldn’t move.  I was sleeping with my entire immediate family in one room, visiting my sister at UPenn. It was like an object placeholder in a videogame.  Because-therefore interpreted translation to manifest reality: it will be exactly where you are, look exactly like it was made for you, and there is a secret message for you inside. This box…

Ah yes, the pencils.

I, like most people, have had a lifetime of pencils – more than some, less than others.  My preferences and compromises have reasons, but I knew, when I started using these, that they were my favorite.

Presenting: Mirado Black Warrior 2HB

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I’m not going to go into detailed and critical assessment, but I am going to say why I like them.  I did find two such in-depth articles on this very pencil – I don’t fully agree on all points and I didn’t completely read them, because I know how I feel about it.

I’m not sure if I have new or old stock, but mine lack the USA/Papermate branding. There could be a distinction. These pencils also happen to be black and gold.  They look really nice.

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It wasn’t till I used a 6-sided pencil again later that I noticed myself sub-consciously attempting to round the 6-sided edges with my nails or fingers – they’d poke into my bones and waste my energy with discomfort.  Like it was something I’d always been doing, but I finally found a round pencil that didn’t distract me with its shape and peeling paint.  The matte black paint really doesn’t peel much. The texture provides grip, without the tugging stick that can feel blistery after a furious page.

Pretty smooth sharpening wood-wise, not splintery.  The eraser is good enough.  The lead doesn’t splinter too much, but I have a favorite sharpener to use which works best. The graphite mark and feel are fairly artistic in my opinion, but this type is actually reputed for its writing qualities.  That may be why I’m inclined to them… understatement.  They are my favorite pencil.  A pencil warrior’s pencil.  Black, because of all the pencil; like a black belt.

I haven’t noticed that they smell like incense cedar, if that’s their material.

They’re great.  Mirado Black Warrior.  Fred Meyer.  If it turns out that I have old stock and the qualities I like are diminished, then I can be bribed with the correct pencils.  The articles are from 2006 & 2008, and I didn’t get into these till 2012.  But, stock can be ancient.  I found these lovely article reviews when checking to see if my favorite pencils had a website so I could know that they still exist.

EXTRA NOTE, speaking of something that popped into existence while I was in the high school whose colors are carefully crafted into my quantum freepile pencil box:

Please Consider Supporting McSweeney’s Internet Tendency Patreon Campaign

“While we have published the legendary (Steve Martin!), the famous (Ellie Kemper! Jesse Eisenberg! Michael Ian Black!), we also have been among the first to publish writers who have gone on to write for The Daily Show, Bob’s Burgers, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, the New Yorker, the New York Times, The Onion, and dozens of other places far more prominent and important than McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. ”

AND ME.

My two New Food Reviews on McSw’y’s Int. T’cy:
Peanut Brittle Cheesecake, last, Batch 14 2016, written at Sasquan
Chocolate-Covered Sunflower Seeds, 2nd, Batch 1 2003, alternymous

2003… they published me first!
Except for the high schoolers’ regional poetry competition publication.
No one has a copy of that, not me, not my family, I’m not even perfectly sure which year I won that regional teen award (California San Francisco East Bay Area 1997~2000). It’s not searchable, I only partially remember the content of the poem (about flying through emotions of music), and no physical or digital copies of it survived my great writerpocalypse – nothing digital did, and few physical records. Maybe it was the same year I got a CA state medal for Creative Writing and went to California State Summer School for the Arts (CSSSA… 99?), with the illustrious Amy Hale of Dreamworks/Walt Disney-Pixar (Ratatouille, Up, Toy Story 3, Penguins of Madagascar).  I starred in her short film that got her into CSSSA the year before me (but also the year with me) for Animation.  Back when I was promising!  Now I’m a glorious mess, sort of doing what they expected of me anyway.  Now, I have my quantum universe graduation pencil box.

So, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency is special to me for more reasons than their ultimate greatness. They think I’m funny, who have made me laugh through tears. Without exaggeration.

This was about the pencils: Mirado Black Warrior 2HB.

Typewriter: Arisia 2017

The following was typed over two nights of room partying.  My first time at the Arisia convention was sponsored through Con-or-Bust, which offers memberships and assistance for under-represented SFF fans & makers to go to conventions.

ARISIA2017 TMT

Arisia 1

Arisia 2

[[[ transcription, edited ]]]

ARISIA 2017 *** page 1 1/14

10 print “Hello, world.”
20 goto 10

was the first thing I ever typed because I started first typing on an
APPLE II+ keyboard.

This is the first time I have used a typewriter

type type type

wheeeeeeeeeeeeee
Oh how the written word has changed over the years.

hello … it’s nice to meet you.

wow I feel so fancy typing on this typewriter

=^..^=

Arisia is awesome.  Including the spinworks of DJ Dirge. I see that this is an active and close community! I’m glad for the chance to be a brief part of it.

The nice thing about this technology is that it keeps working when we lose the power grid…

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog

Arisia 2017 *** page 2  1/15

Typewriters are more amazing than Glenn

but not more amazing than Ky
Oh wow.  Wooow!
Typing on this machine is the most cyberpunk thing I can think of.
ok google
why do all things go the way not planned, sunk deep in sand. …
goes to show. … strange is not me I myself lie … you know it

Being given a noble quest can be a horrible thing for the receiver.

hi I’m a typewriter!

The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities that some consider to be unnatural.

[[[ transcription, verbatim ]]]

ARISIA 2017 *************************** page 1  1/14

10 print “Hello, world.”
20 goto 10

was the first thing I ever typed because I started first typing on an
APPLE II+ keyboard.

This is the first timeI have used a typewriter

type type type

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Oh o how ethe wrtten word has hanged e the years.

hello nw ien . its nie o meet ou/

wow i feel so fancytyping on this typewriter

=^.

=^..^=

Arisia is awesome. Including the spinworks of DJ Dirge. I see that this is an
active and close community! I’m glad for the chance to be a brief part of it.

The nice thing about this technology is that it keeps working whenw we lose
the power grid…

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog

Arisia 2017 *******************  page 2  1/15

Typewriters are more amzing than Glenn

but not more amazing than ky
Oh wow. Wooow!’
Typing on this machine is the most cyberpunk thing i can think of.
ok google
w hy do ll things othe way not planned, sunk deep in dsand. the overted lo thing s ar ge
goes to show. the posousedostrange is not me me i my selfaliamynonoweeif you know it g

Beging given a nobel quest can be a horible thing for the receiver.

hi I m a typewriter!

The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities that some consider to
be unatural.

Poem: Star Dust Scarabs

Star Dust Scarabs

Scarabs cycling star matter from the abyssal ceiling
Light from beneath recognized from above,
a fine spread of spectrum stewarded into continuance
by appointed soldiers of being above, below around outside

To arch, overarch, and cross every path, one can orient
by the trajectory, windspread, ruffles and currential sweeps.
It comes so close at times, suddenly in your clothes,
changing temperatures, opening channels in floods.

Reaching sideways on a level of conviviality,
stacking layers of warmth in joyous combustion
the population’s voices ever arising, staying

 

 

e.l.elasigue 2017 CC-BY-4.0